Sometimes a mom just needs to cry alone, in public, at a coffee shop out of town with some delicious hot apple cider.”What’s wrong”? Nothing. And everything. It’s the pork chop I made for dinner the other night that I didn’t sear or cook correctly( for the umpteenth time making them) for my husband.It’s being cooped up inside the house with sick kiddos for over a week and replaying the sound of my yelling over and over again until I feel physically ill. It’s striving to do and be better than what you had & It’s knowing you will likely yell again unless a miracle occurs. It’s every second of every day wanting to “enjoy every moment ” with them (insert eye roll) and seething with the annoyance of being told that. Because noone enjoys every moment of anything. It’s knowing I’ve got one shot at this parenting and marriage gig and I already feel I’ve failed. The Christian sister -friend or two who were rude and dismissive, hurting you in precisely the way they KNOW gets you the worst and won’t apologise. It’s feeling overlooked. Unappreciated. Undervalued. It’s striving to be a light in this world but feeling like I’m merely clawing my way out of the dark. It’s seeing the world deteriorate to death while the remedy lays before them.Feeling guilty. For everything. Trying to fight for truth, justice, goodness, and abiding in HIM and endure. It’s a war with bodily and mental health aloofly floating along . Scared to confide. Ask for prayer. Don’t need a lecture. Yes, I know I need to trust God and be thankful… Lord. Help my unbelief!!It’s spiritual warfare… PMS..and adulting is just hard. Yes, even living in a beautiful house in the suburbs with a beautiful family . Yes, even . Knowing God. Loving God. Yes, even having more than enough. Being healthy . Pretty . Or smart. Satan can’t have my soul but he can try to take me down and steal the life Christ died to give me. Some days it looks like he’s winning, but as I take my long needed exhalation, I feel a little more ready to stand once more.