It’s all or nothing.

I have done life this way. I’m either full speed ahead & tackling whatever task it is I deem imperative or I am completely overwhelmed to the point I become paralyzed and do nothing. It is either obsessive or it is neglected .

I expect perfection I know I’ll never achieve. I cannot afford to be passionately apathetic. What is this middle that I’m in? The middle that causes me discomfort. I am exhausted and disappointed in myself before the day even begins. When will this end? When will I see the road marked out for me? Is it mediocrity to accept things and let them be? And to whom do I owe this version of myself I aspire to be? I desperately want to give the best of me.

Mother. Wife. Woman. I crave the affirmation that declares me worthy of the titles I am privileged to hold and yet fear that is all that people see

Lord, free me from the cravings of praise and receiving credit. The need to be understood. The urge to defend. The illusion of control.